the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
