Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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