I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
