I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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