Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
