Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
