I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
