im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
