When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
