My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
