my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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