i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Let's paint friendship bongs
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
