Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
