I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
