Can i not drive my cunt home
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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