I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
