I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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