ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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