just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize