Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
