Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
