She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
