Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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