I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
