you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
