smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
