no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
