I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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