i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
