God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
