Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
