you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
