im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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