How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
