Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
