Someone shit on the floor
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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