Im at strip club and am horny
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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