I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
