I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
