I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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