we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
