as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
