And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
