why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
