i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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