dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
