I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
worst night to have a conscience
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize