Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
