The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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