did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
