He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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