Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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