I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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