i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
