After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
