I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
