im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
